Ryan Daigler

An account of events and my dealings with childhood abuse, malignant narcissists, and c-ptsd
I need to share my story. It’s been rough and I feel it’s a moral responsibility of mine to speak up. The only justice I’ll get is that people know what happened and to bring some awareness and clarity to society. People deserve to know who they’re really associated with. This is a tell-all. I cant get back what they took from me, and while I chose to let god judge them, I live with a moral obligation to expose criminal child abusers. This tell-all is about my abusive family and the criminal child abuse my parents committed.

TRIGGER WARNING:
The details are abhorrent and disturbing. This is the nightmare I lived. I feel it’s necessary to include a full history for clarity as abuse is insidious and secretive.
Also, there’s an account of my nervous breakdown and subsequent offenses I’ve committed in response to their abuse towards the end so please read everything. I was horribly abused for over a decade and my abusers are out there playing the victims and discrediting me in order to shield themselves from justice. It’s disgusting. It’s difficult to express the incredible pain and utter anguish these monsters have put me through throughout my childhood and into my adult life. As it was apparent they enjoyed hurting me knowing there was nothing I could do, sadism really is the most accurate word. This is what it looks like when your parents are narcissistic psychopaths or have ASPD. Am I doctor? No. I’m just a guy who’s been fighting for his life and sanity since he was a child, trying to understand the absolute inhuman behavior and abuse my “family” showed me. I refer to the DSM-5 and other sources for information, and I encourage everyone to do the same. Understanding pathologies is a strength against manipulation and abuse. Don’t wait to be a victim before gaining that understanding.

——————ADOPTION————————
When I was three years old, I remember my real mother, the woman who smiled whenever she looked at me and whom I loved and trusted with all my heart, told me that these other people were going to be taking me home with them and I should trust them. I remember smiling and saying “okay mommy.” As much as I didn’t want to leave her, I trusted her completely. So they (Gary and Trish) got out of their car and escorted me back. They didn’t smile. They didn’t speak to me. They didn’t speak to each other. I remember being in the back of the car and feeling concerned that they had no interest in speaking to me or smiling. So to break the ice I said very playfully with a smile, “you have to love me now”. I didn’t know what else to say. I was starting to get scared. They looked at each other with deadpan faces and one of them said, “we know” then they both stared forward again and spoke no more. That’s when the dread entered my reality. That’s when I knew they were bad people. They we’re emotionless. But I had no idea how dangerous they really were. I remember getting “home” and Trish telling me that I had a little brother in the crib in the back room. I was so excited I said,”I have a brother!?” I was really excited. My real parents had shown me love and joy, so that’s what I showed. I didn’t fit in with these people. They were never happy to have me there. I think they maybe gave me up for adoption at birth, and then took me back at the age of 3, but I also can’t accept that I’m genetically related to them in the least. IDK. Some very strange stuff went on and I still don’t have answers. Bottom line, Gary and Trish Daigler have some twisted secrets. Afterthought- I even remember, after a few days of being there, standing on the couch and calling them over so I could speak to them closer to eye level and telling them that I had decided to take their last name. I thought I was being respectful. They looked at each other like I had said something incoherent and walked away. This concerned me bc I’d put a lot of feeling into that decision. I can only imagine the wonderful life I could’ve had in anyone else’s home. To me, any non-abusive home looks wonderful.

Being the only empathic person in a house of psychopathic narcissists is a living nightmare. I was the open, loving one so that made me a target or just a fool to them. I became their scapegoat. As a young child, I was always happy and cheerful, and for some reason they hated me for it. They seemed to enjoy breaking my heart. Adam seemed to enjoy seeing me get abused by his dad. I guess it gave him a sense of entitlement or something, so his dad would seek to gain his approval by bullying me. They bullied and gaslighted me into depression and eventually c-ptsd. By the time I was 12 I was suicidal from abuse. What’s more frightening is that these evil people have the rest of the world fooled.

My so-called dad is an abusive alcoholic and a malignant narcissist or psychopath. Or very possibly ASPD. He fits the definition of a psychopath but there is clearly an element of a narcissism in there as well. I say this because of his tendency to project his faults onto others with such a an inability to accept his own behavior, while finding total importance on a superficial projection of his own, albeit false, image; among other indicators. His wife was the perfect enabler. She saw what was happening and chose to keep quiet or support it. (Let me make it clear that there’s a difference between being narcissistic and having narcissistic personality disorder, or being a malignant narcissist.) Although she has shown psychopathic behaviors, I’m leaning more to the side of a covert malignant narcissist because looking back she was never able to show me any sympathy or empathy when I was in need, among other symptoms of malignant (psychopathic) and covert narcissism.She seemed to enjoy breaking my heart whenever she could and had a very unhealthy and strange jealousy or feeling of ownership over me.
—————————————- SHE WAS PUTTING STUFF IN MY FOOD ———————————-
She was physically and overtly abusive when I was very little. I’ll go into that in the “physical abuse” chapter. She learned to hide her abuse as I got older. The most troubling thing that’s come to my awareness now, is the certainty that Trish was putting crushed caffeine pills and allergens in my evening meals to make my life more difficult for me. During junior high, I suddenly became very insomniac and would literally just lay in my bed wide awake until 4 am before finally getting to sleep. It was around that time that I was also getting frequent headaches and even asked to see the doctor about it. Of course there was no explanation for the headaches. Also, shortly after discovering that I was sensitive to a certain allergen that would have me waking up the next morning with a swollen face, it suddenly started happening every morning. I was very careful about what I was eating but it would still happen. I couldn’t explain it. She was never concerned. How could she get in trouble for that? She would feign innocence, it was harmless, but she knew what she was doing to me. One time, at dinner, we were sitting at the table eating a stew of some kind, and I bit into something crunchy and bitter. Like an uncooked plant stem or something that wasn’t meant for eating. I can only imagine what she put in there. I immediately ran to the sink to spit it out and was very confused how something like that had gotten into my bowl. I looked at Trish, she said , “what” but that was it. She really wasn’t responsive to the whole thing at all. She wasn’t surprised, she didn’t think twice about it. At the time, I remember looking at her face and knowing she had put something in my food. The way she just kept eating her food like nothing had happened. When I was around five years old, a routine checkup found that my white blood cell count was very low. No explanation for it, so I had to be taken to the hospital and get my blood drawn repeatedly over the course of a few weeks. After a couple weeks, my blood cell count miraculously went back to normal with no explanation. They were never able to explain it. They called it an unknown disease. Trish was always there with no expression on her face. I’ve looked into what could cause a low white blood cell count. Possibly an excess of antibiotics. She was a very strange person, but looking back now, I think she was much worse than strange. I know she was malignant and possibly psychotic. Remember, psychopaths can get by very well in society and can be successful people. Maybe she’s a sociopath. And When the parents sent me away to programs for 6 months at a time, I never had trouble sleeping, and I never woke up with a swollen face and eyes. I have no proof that she did these things, but I’m not stupid, it adds up. I may have been trusting back then because who could believe their parents are psychopaths, but I understand now what they are.
She couldn’t stand seeing me with girlfriends. I’m not talking about a harmless thing here, this was obsession. She would do whatever she could to sabotage my personal life. And she enjoyed humiliating me, she would corner me when she was driving me alone in the car and humiliate me when I couldn’t walk away from her. Emotionally abuse me like it was nothing. I would sit there and quietly beg her to stop as she screamed disgusting things at me. She’d continue this until I snapped back, then she’d have the excuse she was looking for not to take me to see my friend, who happened to be a girl that time. She was monstrous and disgusting and then she’d play the victim to whomever would listen. Emotional abuse is just another form of violence but it leaves scars on the inside. When I was in 6th grade, I managed to get an extremely bad case of poison oak, from head to toe. Every inch of my body was covered and it was agony. For 2 weeks, she made me go to school like that, during school picture day too (my yearbook picture that year my face is swollen and covered in poison oak), until finally after 2 weeks of absolute hell and hearing me in terrible discomfort daily, she finally says, “well I guess we could take you to the doctor and get you prednisolone pills and clear it right up.” I couldn’t believe her, I wanted to cry that she could be so insensitive. She was a nurse at the local practitioners office. I got the pills and the rash stopped itching over night. She could’ve saved me 2 weeks of suffering but she chose not to. She honestly enjoyed seeing me suffer. She was abusive and she knows it. If she didn’t know it, she wouldn’t have been secretive about her behavior. This is just one small example. There are more to come. She’ll lie and manipulate unknowing people, likely by playing the victim, to employ them to do her dirty work. This effectively launders her abuse as far as she is concerned. It really makes me sick that these two have gotten this far and are still walking around in society with their freedoms. These are two of the most disgusting and deceptive people I have ever met. Covert child abusers. They get off on their deception of those around them. Specifically, being abusive and then playing innocent or even the victim and getting away with it. I can’t help but wonder which of their “friends” were fooled and which of them are just as bad as they are. And their son Adam is their groomed and trained guard dog. Follows right in their footsteps covertly. A covert malignant narcissist and possibly psychopathic or sociopathic. I say this because I’ve never seen a shred of sincere love or empathy from him towards anyone. And he carried severe anger that he learned to keep secret. The three of them truly frighten me. They’re not what they appear to be, they look at people as nothing more than objects to exploit. They know perfectly well that they’re bad because they go to great lengths to keep their true nature a secret. Their other option, is to normalize their behavior by making it sound perfectly rational. They start out little by little and mold people’s perception of what is right and wrong to suit their malignancy. This, in my opinion, is what makes them so damaging to society. They convince people that they’re good, normal people, and then slowly twist their minds to suit their malignant point of view. Adam only cares about himself and his public image. He understands that most of us are guided by morals and he knows how to pretend to make sure he doesn’t get figured out, but as far as he’s concerned, inner morals are a weakness. He lies with perfect ease to make his agenda your agenda. He’ll make sure you see things his way before you get a chance to think for yourself (just like his parents). He will look for people that are easily manipulated; Those are the people he will surround himself with, his inner circle. If you’re not easily manipulated or you seem to be figuring him out, he’ll drop you and make it look like you did something wrong, or you are “not cool”. He’ll collect contacts as trophies for his false public image. As for a wife, he’ll probably find someone very trusting and younger, possibly codependent, that he can easily control and cheat on without any suspicions.
Understanding pathologies is a superpower. I highly recommend everyone learn psychology for practical application; self defense from manipulation. There are more psychopaths out there than you think. Psychopaths and malignant narcissists primarily target empaths. So many people spend years or even decades with a partner that they think they know, only to learn that it was all a lie and they wasted so much of their life on a heartless, 2 faced narcissist. Check out my Twitter account to learn more about this.
Both parents were incapable of actual love and did a lot of pretending to care when other people were looking. They were completely 2-faced. The way they behaved at home and the way they behaved around people was like night and day. It was strange to witness. Trish was a particularly skilled narcissist because she could cry on demand. There were a few times only when other people were around that she would suddenly turn on the tears and put on a show and it was so incongruous with her natural behavior it was incredible and appalling. They’re shameless actors. And they seem to have come to the conclusion that more shameless they are, the more they get away with it because people just can’t believe that they could be so sick or sadistic.
——- ——————— PHYSICAL ABUSE ——————————-
When I was in kindergarten Gary dislocated my shoulder and told me to tell everyone that it happened from giving me a hug. I remember feeling like I was starting to suffocate and then...POP! And the worst pain I had ever felt at the time. I screamed and ran to mom holding my arm to my chest. I had to go to the emergency room to get it popped back into place. I remember my kindergarten teacher the next day giving me a worried look when I told her it happened from my dad giving me a hug. The doctor that popped it back into place was trying really hard to make sure it was an accident. Gary wasn’t there of course, and Trish didn’t see it happen, but she confirmed to the doctor that it was an accident, and I was a good little boy and said what I was told to say.
trish was overtly physically abusive starting around age four. She’d yank me around hard by the hair regularly. She was mean and angry all the time and it hurt at that age. I remember one time she yanked me so hard she pulled a huge tuft of my hair out into her fist and she just looked at it in astonishment. That must’ve been around age six. When I was around age five, I went into their bathroom and found the scissors and cut all my hair off because I figured if I didn’t have any hair, she couldn’t yank me around by it. I’m sure she remembers that. I really hated trish back then. trish was a monster in my eyes. After age 9 or 10, there was a remarkable switch in behavior. trish stopped being overtly mean and abusive and suddenly became this fake smiling person and this is when the covert psychological abuse began to take place.
Here’s a bigger one. —-> A few years later, gary and trish were having a conversation about me. I remember I had just recently met my first love a month earlier. I would visit her at her house, she took a day off school to come visit me at my school, I took a day off off school to visit her at hers. I remember being there at her school on career day. We were in 2nd grade. So she was moving out of state for a while but we decided when we were older, we’d get back together and get married. I remember being so happy and saying out loud how much I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could see her again and get married. My “parents”and I were in the living room and I must’ve missed the beginning of the conversation but I remember gary behind me saying something like, “so what can we do?”, and trish who was standing in front of me saying, and I remember this clearly because I was too afraid to take it seriously, “a sharp blow to the back of the head can cause amnesia.” Then trish screamed, “gare!” I don’t know if trish actually expected gary to try it or what. I have memories of seeing gary looking down at me and asking if I remember my name. I said , “Ryan” then gary asked if I remembered my last name which I didn’t. I remember walking around like I had never seen the house before and hearing Adam(brother 2 yrs younger) ask, “what’s wrong with him?” To which trish replied, “he doesn’t remember anything.” I remember feeling embarrassed hearing them say these things about me right in front of me. They told Adam that I fell down the stairs. He never saw this, of course. I was barely 8 years old. It took 15 years for the memories before this event to come back to me. I’ll get to that.
When I was 6 or 7 I was scared for my life. I knew gary was dangerously unreasonable. By the time I was 12 years old I was suicidal from the constant bullying that gary was overtly putting me through nearly every day. I later realized that gary was drunk all the time, though when it was happening I couldn’t explain the cruelty and knew nothing about malignant narcissism or psychopathy. He kept his drinking a secret. He later told me that he would drink those Club(brand) margaritas in a can on his way home from work every day before he got home. He had Adam and Trish brainwashed or bribed for all I know. I did hear him threaten Trish more than once, he would scream at her if she spoke up and that would be the end of it. Adam fell in step from a very young age out of fear maybe or maybe money, or maybe like-mindedness, I don’t know. When we were little, he saw a handicapped person maybe with Lou Gehrig’s disease and said to me, “hey Ryan look!”, then he pointed at the guy and laughed. I remember being horrified and having to be the one to tell him that it wasn’t funny. He looked at me with this look on his face like in that moment I became his enemy. He never opened up to me again after that and he made it a game to make me out to be the bad guy as much as he could. He takes after his parents in the malignant narcissistic area and seemed to get satisfaction from getting me in trouble or seeing me unhappy. Psychopathic Narcissists need to put other people down to feel better about themselves and they can’t admit their own faults. Not the serious ones. Small trivial faults they will admit just to look humble, but it’s fake. They’re calculating, selfish, and without empathy or remorse. The three of them regularly bullied and humiliated me at home and in public. They would go to movies without me, embarrass me in public so I wouldn’t want to go places with them, and humiliate me in front of my friends or theirs. Trish would insult me indirectly by putting words in other people’s mouths. trish didn’t like the way I was dressing one time, (maybe I looked good?) so she told me that my principal told her that I dressed like a “wannabe”. I knew he would never say such a thing and I knew exactly what trish was doing. I just looked at trish and thought, what a strange mother I have. This is called ambient or covert narcissism. They try to make it look like they’re doing you a favor by telling you something but they’re really just trying to insult you. Or they put their insults in someone else’s mouth to hide their agenda. It comes from severe emotional immaturity. They think they can hide their nefarious intentions through dishonesty and manipulation but they only drive themselves deeper into a personality disorder and never realize how visible they actually are to healthy minded people. They end up living in complete denial of what they’ve done and who they are. One time she was telling us that an anonymous man had called her and told her he was masturbating over the phone. Some guy from her high school that she had started “seeing” was in the room listening to this. trish was playing a victim and acting shocked but it really looked like trish was holding back a smile. Understanding now that trish is a covert psychopathic narcissist, I have to assume trish made the whole thing up for attention.
gary uses confidence and other manipulation tactics to control people. Pity, guilt, dishonesty, fear, redirection, mimicry of others. gary used to mimic my behavior and then accuse me of the very offensive behavior he committed against me every day. It was insane. Like he was trying to steal my identity. This is what drove me the craziest. The things that I held in the highest contempt for them, their lack of compassion, lack of sincerity, were the things he would accuse me of. These are the values that I held closest to me and he had the nerve to accuse me of being the exact opposite of who I am. Not just to me, but probably to their friends as well. It was like something out of a horror movie for me. A living nightmare. They wanted to destroy me because of my moral values or maybe my sincerity, or maybe just for fun, who knows. I was sincere, they were fake, I think they felt threatened I’d expose them so they me made out to be the bad guy to protect their image. I’ve also come to realize that they were systematically discrediting me in case I were ever to attempt to bring them to justice for child abuse. They are seriously sick on another level. gary had a severe anger problem and would have these fits of rage over anything and everything. Then of course he would blame me for his madness and make me the bad guy. Scapegoat. Adam was similar with the anger. Adam would get angry at me over anything at all. Like he was looking for an excuse to hate me. I would go into his room on Saturday morning around 10:30 to ask him to watch cartoons with me and he’d scream at me like he was being attacked and then his mother would scream up at me to leave him alone. It was very strange and difficult to understand. I tried my best to be friends with him.

———————— DETAILS OF THEIR PATHOLOGICAL ABUSE————————-

Children that are being abused are easily manipulated or brainwashed by their abusers or are simply too scared to speak up. I know I was. When I was 15, I called Gary a child abuser, a week later he had me picked up and sent away to a program for disobedient children. Of course I knew why he really sent me away. Get rid of the accuser. This was the first of 3 times he did this to me. Technically he was in his legal rights to do so as I was still a minor, but since he was doing this as a form of abuse, it was illegal. This is another problem that needs to be brought to attention. Abusers using the law inappropriately or illegally to protect themselves. Narcissists also employ smear campaigns where they gaslight and cut off a victim from any support outside of the family. Relatives, family friends, etc. The malignant narcissist will go to these people first and project their point of view and cut off any chance of justice for the victim. They’ve been systematically doing this to me since I was a child. Manipulating (leading) my therapists before I would see them, my teachers, family friends and relatives all to protect themselves from being found out of their abusive nature. When a psychologist would tell Gary that he was crossing boundaries, he would scream at the doctor and we’d never see that doctor again. It was like this across the board. The horrors I could tell you would make any normal person sick with anger. And they were training and grooming Adam from the beginning. I found out from one of his friends that Adam was telling people that I was a bully in junior high and that I used to “beat him up” which I never did at all. I was the one getting bullied at home by the whole family. At school, I would step in if I saw someone getting bullied. I smoked a little pot on the weekends like half the kids in my high school, and so did Adam. He used to insist I smoke him out and then he’d get mad when I’d tell him to wait until after dinner. So I’d smoke him out, mom would come upstairs, smell the pot, chew me out and Adam would be sitting there scolding me with his mother and of course I’d keep my mouth shut cause I thought that’s what brothers do. Did he ever thank me for that? Nope. Not a single word. His friend told me he said these things about me. His friends would like hanging out in my room when they would come over to visit him. He would get visibly angry. So he started his own smear campaign when we were in junior high. A trained narc from the beginning. He was always quiet and when I would try to hang out with him or build a friendship he would generally yell at me to leave him alone. When we were younger he would scream and cry for any reason. He would plead with his parents to “kill him! Just kill him!” Very strange, irrational anger. And his parents didn’t correct him for this, I was the bad guy for “making him behave that way”. Essentially they encouraged his psychopathic/narcissistic behavior. Adam learned real quick how to control his parents responses. He wanted me to be the bad guy, all I wanted was a loving family and a brother. But he was driven by what I can only guess was jealousy and anger his entire childhood and is a liar and a moral delinquent just like his parents.
They choose their crimes and their victims carefully. They’re not stupid, they just don’t have morals. As far as they’re concerned, they’re only bad if they get caught. They don’t feel human emotions like the rest of us. They’re not driven by love. They’re driven by a need to manipulate people’s’ perception. They want people to see things their way or they’re useless to them. They’re cold hearted fakers. Be careful. They don’t have friends, they have people who don’t know who they really are.

gary and trish started abusing me when I was 4 or five, too early for Adam to remember or have any understanding of the fact that I did nothing to deserve being abused. Not that any child ever deserves to be abused but I’m sure he tells himself that I deserved it. I was not a problem child. I was happy, smart and loving, and for some reason that monster (gary) hated me since I was 3; So I learned not to respect him. How can a child respect an “adult” that abuses them? The adults are supposed to be the bigger person, not the child. I couldn’t respect an adult with lower moral principles than myself. So I got abused even more. It was a terrible downward spiral. He was so deftly incapable of admitting he was wrong. And The more I realized he was in the wrong, the less I respected him, the more I got abused and made out to be the problem. It was insidious. He is not a man. Men have courage and the strength to do the right thing even when it’s tough. Men take responsibility for their actions and certainly don’t abuse children and then blame those innocent children for their crimes. And “mothers“ that abuse their own children don’t deserve to be called mothers. What’s sickening is I think they start to believe their own lies. After years of playing out a false narrative, and sticking to it no matter what evidence shows to the contrary, they expect it to just become reality. It’s like something out of a horror movie. I can’t help but wonder if he’s a closet nazi. It really wouldn’t surprise me. He’s that strange and abusive. To be fair, I’ve learned that most malignant narcs follow the same abuse and manipulation tactics. So it could just be a coincidence. Most nazi leaders were malignant narcissists. I digress.
He had done a thorough job normalizing the abuse. It was normal for Ryan to get treated like shit because it was just Ryan. Ryan doesn’t matter. Ryan deserves it. When I was 13 I remember running outside crying to get away from him, he took it like some kind of game and ran after me and tackled and pinned me to the ground. I was just crying and telling him to get away from me. He was on top of me holding me down smiling, so I kneed him in the side and cracked a rib. Trish just ignored all this. Like it was normal. Just kept knitting her sweater in the corner. Adam followed her lead. Of course Gary lied to the doctor and said a cabinet fell on him because he couldn’t admit that he was physically molesting me and he had the nerve to make me feel guilty for protecting myself. As if he was protecting ME by lying to the doctor. His lack of empathy, sincerity, remorse, and moral principal along with his inflated ego makes him a brilliant manipulator and by clinical definition a psychopath with narcissistic personality disorder or possibly anti social personality disorder.
One time gary suddenly acquired a stutter. Just woke up one day, and he had a serious stutter. It was weird and came out of nowhere. I knew he was faking it, but he was really trying to convince us that it was real. I was the only one that thought it was weird, Adam and Trish didn’t seem to react to it which I thought was also weird. Maybe they knew he was faking it and chose not to react? After a week or two, it went away. Like it never happened. Not another word about it. He wasn’t getting enough attention from it or it was too much trouble to keep it up. He always had a new problem that required our attention or sympathy. It was insidious and exhausting. I’m a compassionate person, I Always felt that love and compassion are the most important things in life. I was the one that fell for all his “pity me” antics in the beginning and tried to support him and show him compassion for all his problems that he continuously had. But he would take all of it for granted and I eventually realized he was just taking advantage of my kindness and probably having a laugh about it to himself that he could so easily manipulate me by acting injured. I stopped falling for it. It took me years to figure out his game. I was the stupid one for having compassion. I was the idiot for thinking I could trust my own parents. I was the only one with any compassion in that house and that made me the kook of the family. I’m sure I was a fool to them for having empathy and valuing sincerity. My honesty was a threat to them; to their exposure.
He would terrorize me. When he would get home from work he would jingle his keys really loud and obnoxiously to give me anxiety attacks. It worked every time. Then he would come up to my room and start a fight with me about anything. He usually wouldn’t leave until I was yelling back or crying. Then he would smile and go away. I would beg Trish to step in and say something but my pleading for help fell on deaf ears. She lived in Malibu and didn’t want to jeopardize that. She also lacked any empathy for me. I wasn’t a person in that house, I was more like a piece of luggage or property. My feelings were completely and absolutely irrelevant to the three of them.
They would make me see doctors and lead them on to manipulate them into putting me on all kinds of drugs that I didn’t need. There was nothing wrong with me. My depression and anger was a result of being severely abused by my own parents. I would NOT accept the abuse and I stood up for myself, so they told the doctors I needed medication for impulse control. Then they got me on Ritalin. Then after 6 months, they abruptly took me off Ritalin against doctors orders. They were trying to fuck me up. Actions speak loudest.

I couldn’t function at school, I was depressed and suicidal through junior high and high school. Between the ages of 9 and 14 I was a bit overweight, it was rough enough without Trish humiliating me for being overweight, but she did. She took the cheap shots. She used to humiliate me in front of my friends in the car on the way home from school. Asking them what they thought about me being overweight. It was humiliating. She would say this with a huge smile on her face as if to make it look like it was totally normal for her to be asking such absurd and offensive questions. My friends didn’t know how to respond to her. And when I told her that I was trying to lose some weight, a few days later she came back from Costco with a box of 40 king size candy bars. She had never done anything like that before, we never kept food like that in the house, but I asked her, “why did you buy those? You know I’m trying to lose some weight?” And she said something like, “what? I can’t have a candy bar?” Its a small example of how her mind operates. I know it’s hard to believe, but they were really twisted. I later found out that this is typical behavior for a parent with narcissistic personality disorder. They like to diminish their child’s self esteem or use other manipulation tactics to keep them as their pets. When I finally turned things around and got into shape from hard work and exercise, I never got a single positive reaction from them. Not one, “good job”, nothing. In fact it seemed to make them angry. They drove me crazy. I could never imagine treating my kids the way they treated me. And it was like the happier or stronger I was or the more tolerance I showed their abuse, the more vile they became. I couldn’t understand what they had against my happiness. I realized looking back, that they needed an excuse for their abuses and were always trying to push me over the edge so that I would snap or get angry. They wanted me to look like the bad guy. They needed that. They made me their scapegoat. They didn’t want to see me doing well. It ruined their sick agenda. They're sick. Malignant. And they’re smart enough to know that they can easily get away with abuse if they only have one victim and conspire together or back each other up. This is what dirty cops do all the time. They represent everything that is wrong with society today.
When I was 15 I turned to pot and alcohol for the pain. My teachers would ask me what was wrong and for some stupid reason I would keep quiet. I remember having a parent/teacher meeting and when my teacher asked what was wrong, my parents would be staring at me with the meanest look in their eyes as if to say, “go ahead, I dare you”. I would say nothing. Maybe it was out of some sick sense of loyalty or maybe I was just too exhausted to fight back. Maybe I was scared of how much worse they could make things. They had the perfect upper hand. They couldn’t look at me as a human being because that would make them see their crimes. The sheer heartless evil that I saw from them was inhuman and unbelievable. I was a toy for them. For their sick amusement. I don’t care what they say, actions speak louder than words. You can say you love someone all you want, but if all you do is hurt them, then I’m sure you don’t love them.
They sent me away to “programs” for angry or disobedient kids. Well, I WAS angry. Turns out I have a problem with child abusers and being abused. I would act out because I can only take so much abuse before I snap, like most people I imagine. They would abuse the shit out of me and then criticize me for getting angry in response to their abuse. I acted out against the abuse therefore I was a disobedient child. So they got rid of me. I was so mentally beaten and confused. When I was 15 I called Gary a child abuser in front of a friend of mine that he was trying to manipulate. A week later he retaliated by having me picked up in front of my school by 2 big orderlies in a white van. They took me away to a hospital and that was it for that school. A year later, I was woken up at 2 am in my bed with three people in my bedroom telling me to get dressed and get in the car. People I’d never seen before in my bedroom legally kidnapping me. They took me to a program out of state. This is how they would get rid of me and silence my ability to get help. They got completely carried away. It became too easy for them to disregard my humanity and play the role of troubled parents trying to fix their troubled teen. I was being abused, plain and simple. I was a perfect son. I was loving and thoughtful, and they had decided when I was a child that they were going to make me out to be a problem. I was never the problem. All I wanted was to make my parents happy, be successful, fall in love and get married. They had other plans for me. They needed a scapegoat. They wanted some drama in their life. They needed to put on a show for people. Not me. This is how child abusers get away with it. I really didn’t have human rights in that house. In my humble opinion, emotional/psychological abuse is more damaging than physical abuse. And trust me when I say, everyone has a breaking point. I didn’t t break easy. The more tolerance and self control I showed, the more abusive they became. I was screwed from the beginning. In the end, anyone who is bullied or abused enough or who’s life is threatened will become violent or suicidal. Anyone. I remember trying to tell trish that Gary was making me want to kill myself when I was 12 years old. She ignored me. Literally just turned around and walked away. She ignored me because it’s exactly what they wanted. These people are that sick. They care more about what they look like to strangers than actually loving their own family. I was too happy, loving, and honest. That was a threat to them. If they had just let me live my life I might’ve kept their sickness to myself. But they took my life from me. And not just my life, but the life of the woman that was counting on me to come back to her and the family that we would’ve made together that will never exist because of them. They decided my life was theirs to destroy. They belong in prison with the other rapists and child abusers.

——————————————INFANT ABUSE—————————————-
The first time I heard Adam crying in his crib, Trish was ignoring him so I asked if she was gonna take care of him. Trish said, “you’re supposed to ignore a crying baby so that they learn to stop crying.“ I was shocked. A few minutes later, Adam stopped crying in his crib and she merely said, “see? He stopped.” For anyone who might be reading this, there’s a difference between “controlled crying” and ignoring the infant. Infants cry for a reason. When you completely ignore a crying baby you can damage the psyche and that may lead to a damaged ego, narcissistic personality disorder and a lack of an ability to feel love or empathy which will likely cause problems later in life. Obviously genetics does play a role. Psychopathy is accepted as genetic, no matter how you raise the child, but these genetic traits can be enhanced by neglect in the early years. NPD is linked to a damaged ego.
I’m sorry you had such horrible parents, Adam. I know you were neglected and abused in your own way, too. Whether or not you accept that is up to you. I also know you’ll only learn to fool people better.

I’ve learned that anyone can be a psychopath. I recently learned of a woman with a PhD that works in child services that is a malignant narcissist and is abusive in her private life. I know of an abusive narcissist that is a family therapist and uses her job to validate and fuel her ego and find people she can dominate or abuse. They look normal enough. And they’re everywhere. Most people just don’t want to believe it, so the mind sees what it wants. People should be more careful but they would rather see what they want until they’re the one getting abused.
A little note about empathy and narcissism. Empathy is the ability to feel for someone else. Malignant sociopathic Narcissists detest this or they just aren’t capable of it. They only feel what they want to feel and anything else is irrelevant to them. They pretend to empathize or sympathize or show love as a manipulation tool only. And when a narcissist encounters someone that they can’t manipulate, they act better than or like they’re just to cool or good for that person and move on. This way their secret and their ego remains intact.
—————————————-LIKELY DIAGNOSIS———————————————-
gary is a psychotic child abuser with narcissistic personality disorder and possibly antisocial personality disorder. He is the overt malignant type while trish is what’s known as an ambient or covert malignant narc. A person can be both malignant and covert. I don’t think she has ASPD but more likely a sociopathic narcissistic personality disorder. Identifying the exact pathology is difficult because they are such dishonest and deceptive people; You would need be able to read their minds to know for certain, but we can localize the general area of their pathologies as malignant and dangerous in the narcissistic and antisocial personality spectrum. If you know these people and ever wondered why something was a little off or their emotional reaction seemed a little fake or insincere, or their happiness seemed forced, now you know why. You may know someone with NPD or ASPD and not even know it. They may find jobs with authority like police officers, attorneys, celebrity, and even therapists, just to name a few possible but not limited to examples, in order to fuel their need to dominate. This gives them an immediate sense of authority which they thrive on. I personally know of a malignant narcissist that works as a family therapist today and my “mother” used to work as a nurse at a family practitioners office and then at a fertility clinic. As if that said everything about her. Understanding her pathology, I can only wonder how many intentional “mistakes” she made as a nurse simply because she knew she could get away with it. That’s how they operate. These people will get jobs that make them look good so their jobs can do all the speaking for them. It’s a front. It’s like having a legitimate business to cover up an illegal one. Don’t trust the smiles and “good behavior” that you see on the surface, look underneath to see what’s really going on. These people are not too uncommon and they try to trick people into seeing things their way, and they can be very good at it. Most trusting people can’t conceive of this type of behavior and get manipulated into the narcs’ agenda. Trust your instincts. These people are like double agents working to disrupt a healthy society. When they don’t get their way, they may resort to making false accusations to stay on top. That’s what makes them so dangerous. They can destroy innocent peoples’ lives just to protect their egos. They would throw their own innocent child under the bus to protect their ego or public image. I’ve seen this. They all tend to follow the same behavior patterns. It’s really quite disturbing and difficult to believe until you’ve seen it for yourself and understand the disorder. And they tend to go for the easy targets, like stalkers. They also tend to project their own behavior on to their targets and then will usually attempt to play the victim themselves. They may even be proud of their narcissism, believing empathy and honesty is a weakness. They will keep this to themselves of course, they know what is and isn’t acceptable behavior to their “friends” that they have fooled. They don’t care about them, their friends, beyond what they can provide for them. What they call their “friends” are really more like people they use to help them blend in to society or to convince themselves that they’re normal or for financial gain or leverage if they ever need it. They’re fakers. Totally insincere. And they put a lot of work into it so they protect their false image with ferocity. So the narc has direct victims, and then the narc has “flying monkeys” (enablers) that they manipulate into seeing things their way for protection or backup. Beware. They will likely have more enablers than they have victims. Like I said, they chooses their victims carefully.
It’s estimated that about 1% of the population are psychopaths. I believe this number to be greatly underestimated. There are many more with narcissistic personality disorder. That means in a small school of 1000 students, there would’ve been at least 10 psychopaths walking amongst you. Do you remember seeing that many psychopaths when you were in high school? No? But they were there. And there would’ve been more than that with narcissistic personality disorder. They’re not like you see in movies. They blend in, they can be normal, charming, or “humble”. They don’t all commit viscous crimes, but the option to act on their lack of morals is always there.
In their mind they are never wrong and their actions are always justified. I deserved to be abused. Or maybe they knew better and just wanted to bully someone. They quietly get satisfaction from other people’s losses. Maybe they were afraid I’d remember what they did to me and would try to bring them to justice. Only God knows. I imagine he should have considered his drinking to be at least a part of the problem. But narcs are incapable of self examination and it’s impossible for them to admit any serious faults. They study people and try to learn how to behave like normal people. They know what other people consider right and wrong, but they don’t hold themselves to these moral codes. Unless of course, someone is watching. To them, it’s only wrong if they get caught. These people are more dangerous than they look.

———————————- RECOVERY OF MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES AND A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN ————————————-
I was stuck living with the monster again as I lost my car and was having financial troubles. He was drunk every day and encouraged me to drink with him which I did. It made his company a bit more bearable. The year before 9/11 happened, I was getting ready to be a day trader(stock market). I had spent a couple years educating myself and making simulated trades. I convinced Gary to let me work with his online brokers account.
(I no longer daytrade. I think it should be illegal as it’s furthering the wealth gap and unhealthy for the economy.)
A week or so before 9/11, I sold out his portfolio to get ready to make some aggressive trades. I was getting ready to start trading when 9/11 happened. Probably the strangest and definitely the most tragic coincidence of my life. Within a month or two, I lost it. I became convinced that 9/11 was an inside job and it terrified me. Suddenly I was living in a world I couldn’t stand to be in. I called an army recruiter for a way out and I guess I was obviously having emotional difficulties. They didn’t want me. This was October of ‘01. I was 22 years old.
I was an emotional wreck for a couple months and then December 21st or second, (I remember bc it was just before Xmas) I started hearing faint voices of people that sounded like they were outside the window talking about me. There was no one there. The voices followed me wherever I went. Maybe I experienced one too many coincidences that sent my brain reeling, maybe 9/11 was just too much for my exhausted brain to handle, I don’t know, but I cracked. I thought there must be some kind of agency that had figured out direct brain wave communication technology. It didn’t occur to me that it was an hallucination because it was just too real. So at this point I was scared because what “they” were doing was highly inappropriate and offensive. “They” had hijacked my brain. This evolved into the belief that the world was being taken over by a malevolent organization (satanic cult) with a mind control machine and that these were the people behind 9/11. That 9/11 was some kind of christening of a new world order. I was scared out of my mind, all the time. I wasn’t speaking much and eye contact became very difficult for me. I was afraid to tell anyone what was happening to me because I knew they’d think I was crazy or I was afraid they were in on it. I assumed Gary was a part of this evil cult because of his abusive nature. The following takes place in ‘02 and forward.
So I got a job at another health food store, moved out to a place nearby and tried to go on living like this madness wasn’t happening. At some point something triggered and old memory that I couldn’t make sense of or let go of. I focused on it and over the course of a couple weeks, my memories from before the age of 8 all started flooding back to me. I remembered my girlfriend from second grade and the moment I said I couldn’t wait to see her again. I remembered visiting her at her school on career day and meeting her classmates and even the details of our conversations. My amnesia lifted after 15 years. I remembered what those monsters did to me and I freaked out. This was not a delusion. To this day I still remember so much in detail of my recovered childhood. Back to when I was three years old. And I know how crazy and even improbable this sounds, but try to imagine how I felt going thru it. I totally snapped. I’m not a violent person. I was the guy that would step in when I saw someone getting bullied at school. I was on the wrestling team, so I could do stuff like that. I just have a big problem with abusive people. Especially child abusers. I saw Gary as the most disgusting child abuser I had ever met. And he is. I attacked him. Literally, I snapped, like, I lost it. I drove to his place, walked in there and punched him 3 or 4 times and left. How I saw it, that child abuser belonged in prison. He got off easy. Nevertheless, I deeply regret doing this. I gave him exactly what he wanted me to do. He had been goading me into fighting back for years and I finally fell for it. I have no excuses. I couldn’t go to anyone for help and I let my emotions get the better of me. I’m not a violent person, I was just so hurt and betrayed by that monster. Anyway, so I did time for that. 80 days. I didn’t argue or speak up about anything. I was still in some form of shock. I went to jail for beating up a child abuser, one that had abused me relentlessly over more than a decade.
I got out and was homeless for about a year, I don’t really remember the timeline of things at this point, it’s a bit fuzzy and I was terrified the whole time thinking it was all a conspiracy. For about 4-5 years it was like being on a constant adrenaline rush induced by sheer terror. I could no longer function in society. I was barely speaking or making eye contact.
After a year, I was desperate for help and I ended up back at Gary’s house, and one night after more than a twelve pack of beers, (we got drunk together every night, he is a HEAVY drinker) I remember feeling so angry at him for all the things he did to me, like I felt raped by that child abuser. He had just bought me a large knife from an army surplus store for Xmas (I asked him to buy it for me while we were looking around) and I was waiving it around yelling at him, I really had no intention of hurting him, but he reached out and tried to grab the blade of the knife. It was weird bc he barely touched the knife, then he ran into the kitchen and came back and said he was bleeding. I was very surprised at what had happened. (I suspect Adam knows by now that his dad cut his own hand in the kitchen and had me sent to jail. Just one more on their list of psychopathic family secrets. In Adams mind, he’s the winner and I’m the loser bc I got abused into the ground. I know who the psychopaths are.) I’m not making any excuses for this but, looking back, I really shouldn’t have been cooped up with my abuser like that. Could you imagine living with the person that repeatedly raped you? Same feeling. I went to jail again and from there was sent to the state hospital for being unfit to stand trial (I was asking to speak to someone from the CIA and talking about conspiracies. I was going through it). I spent 15 months in the hospital and they diagnosed me as schizophrenic. (I no longer believe this to be an accurate diagnoses. The doctor didn’t know my history of abuse so this may be a misdiagnosis. I’ve had time to study cases about schizophrenia and I really don’t fit the profile. It’s more likely that I’m dealing with C-PTSD associated with severe psychological trauma/abuse. Symptoms, like hearing voices can be caused by a number of things, including extreme stress and anxiety. Although severe psychological abuse can trigger schizophrenia, I don’t think that’s what happened. Taking it to trial, I was offered not guilty by insanity and I wish I had taken it. My lawyer talked me out of it telling me that I would be sent back to the hospital for an indeterminate length of time (possibly years). Or I could take a guilty plea and be released with time served and 3 years probation. I took the probation. That was a mistake. I needed medical help, and a safe environment to heal, and it was the honest assessment of the situation. Not guilty by insanity. I should have taken it. I’d like to note that this was 2003, and I was paranoid and delusional at the time. I’m not a violent person by nature and my paranoia and delusions have settled into complex PTSD. It was a severe nervous breakdown that I can understand and make sense of now. If I didn’t admit any of this, I doubt you’d be able to see it today. I’d also like to note that there is so much more gross abuse that Gary and Trish committed against me I couldn’t list everything here. They’ll do or say anything to make me out to be the bad guy because they know they’re guilty of multiple felonious counts of gross child abuse, and now he can add making false statements leading to the incarceration of an innocent person to his list of crimes. I’m not saying I’m completely innocent, but I’m innocent of the crime he had me sent to jail for.) He used to drive drunk all the time, probably still does. I was once afraid that he was going to kill the both of us driving crazy angry fast through a mountain side. I asked him numerous times to slow down and let me out, and he wouldn’t. The look in his face was terrifying. I saw him debating whether or not to drive off the mountain side. Stuff like this was frequent and normal for him. When he gets scared that I’m going to go to the police, he goes to them first, tells them a bs story and plays the victim. That way I have no way of looking like the real victim.
One time I called 911 on him because he was out of his mind drunk and screaming as loud as he could. I couldn’t understand what he was screaming about so I just kept walking away from him. He followed me wherever I went, screaming as loud as he could. (He was drinking close to a fifth of rum every night and there’s a recording of him in the background of the 911 call screaming derisively and yelling, “where’s the rum!” accusing me of hiding it. I had sobered up after two years in lock up and the hospital) I think now he was trying to get me to fight back again because a couple days earlier I informed him that I had recovered my childhood memories and remembered what he did. So again, he felt threatened by me. Or more accurately, he was frightened of me bringing him to justice. Anyway, I didn’t know what else to do, I couldn’t understand what was happening, so I called 911. The cops came and he quieted down a bit but of course he was making me out to be the bad guy. I was literally minding my own business every day, painting on canvass, it was an interest of mine at the time. The cops told me to keep doing what I was doing and left after he had calmed down. Less than a week later, he returned to the apartment with police to issue me a restraining order. He told them that HE was scared for his life. No warning, nothing. Why didn’t you just ask me to leave? what about my paintings? I asked. I’ll take care of them he said. Sure.I knew I’d never see him again. No effing way. He’s a monster. I can only guess what he told everyone else what happened. He used to be a Hollywood executive before not being able to get any work, I assume bc of his attitude or drinking problem. He probably blamed me. Adam and Trish go along with whatever he tells them. He is a dangerous manipulator of the truth, of people, and the justice system. No moral compass whatsoever.
Another curiosity about him, he’s had a large stitched scar one of his hands since I’ve known him. When I asked him, as a child, how he got it, he stated that when he was in the army, he went to move a fan that was running and the blade went thru the guard and cut his hand. I accepted it as truth at the time. I don’t anymore. I suspect he got himself discharged.

I remember trying so hard as a child to make sense of the abuse they were putting me through. Like, they must’ve been trying to teach me something about the injustices that so much of humanity has had to go through. I thought maybe they were trying to teach me to be an advocate against these injustices they were inflicting on me. I really wanted to see that my parents were the heros I needed them to be...I tried so hard to see the best in them, and all they wanted to see in me was a mistake or a punching bag. It’s hard to admit to yourself that your parents are child abusers/psychopaths or terrorists. Thats what child abusers are, cowardly terrorists. At the time, I couldn’t understand their insensitive and abusive behavior, but it’s obvious to me now that they must’ve been intentionally trying to make me commit suicide. I guess they were afraid that I’d remember what they did to me or that I had remembered what they did to me when I was a child. I think this is exactly what they were afraid of. What I’m doing right now is what they always feared the most. Me exposing them for their crimes. I guess they got carried away.
They never deserved to have a child as warm and loving as me.

-I’d like to note that coercive control and manipulation tactics such as gaslighting are considered illegal under UK law and in Ireland now and although we have not yet adopted these values into our legal system yet, I believe we will soon as more people are becoming aware of this growing pandemic of narcissistic abuse. But emotional/psychological abuse is still considered child abuse along with physical, sexual, and neglectful abuse. Psychological abuse is clearly defined by our legal system and I have been of victim of such abuses. And of course there was the physical abuse I sustained while I was younger that would be enhanced with great bodily injury in a court of law. Gary did it, but Trish knew everything and said nothing. This is called guilty after the fact. I know, they know, God knows. But I think people deserve to know if the people they associate with are closet child abusers. Also there’s a condition called “the golden child/black sheep“ Where narcissistic parents will routinely select one of their children to be the “golden child” to be “proud of” while they use their other child as a scapegoat for their narcissistic supply. Or as an excuse for their behavior when they become unable to keep up their charade of fake personality. They can’t keep up their fake smiles forever so they need an excuse for their true behavior and will use the scapegoat as an explanation for their true behavior. Remember that narcs don’t love like the rest of us do. They don’t love their children. Not the “black sheep” or the “golden child”. They use them for their public image, that’s all. “Love“ (actually loveless praise) is entirely conditional to a narcissist. They praise their child for doing something if it makes them look good. They don’t praise their children out of love. They typically won’t understand the difference here. It’s like trying to explain color to someone who is color blind. I’m sure they will hate me for exposing them and I’ll be the bad guy all over again, but I’m only the bad guy to them, I’m doing the rest of society a favor. It’s the honest, good hearted people that I care to protect. And I think people deserve to know if they’re associating with closet child abusers or those that are complicit with this behavior.

When we’re older, we can simply walk away from abusive people, what do we do when we’re children and the abusive people are our parents? I really wish there was something I could do about child abuse. It’s happening out there more than people realize. It will take some serious national attention and a constant movement to really bring awareness. And why are people afraid to speak up when they see abuse happening? Abusing your child doesn’t fall under the definition of raising them. Being abusive isn’t a parents’ right. Some people think that their children are their property or their pets. This needs to be addressed. And we shouldn’t be afraid to police each other when we see this sort of thing.
Non narcissists who have never been victimized by these people before, just can’t see through the facade of fake love. It’s all a manipulation tactic for narcs.
The mind sees what it wants to see so we easily get duped by these imposters that know what we want and feed it to us all too perfectly. Then they have control. All we have to do is open our eyes. We sincere people get blindsided by the sheer gall and elaborate dishonesty and deception these people are capable of. We just won’t believe it until we’ve been victims of it personally.
So the rest is me recovering on my own, back on the street doing whatever volunteer work I could do. I found comfort volunteering at a homeless center where I would help out in various ways, doing around 30 loads of laundry for homeless clients per week, cleaning, making coffee, and going with a uhaul and a partner to a food bank to pick up food and then make around 70 bags of food per week to hand out to low income families. This also had the perk of giving me a place to shower whenever I needed. I did this for a year and a half 5 days a week and if I wasn’t there I was at the library. I eventually got off the streets and into a men’s home where I went to AA meetings and readjusted to “normal” life. But suffice it to say I’ve moved out to the country where I’ve been recovering with a healthy lifestyle of clean Whole Foods, exercise, and healthy hobbies.
Some easy listening in the morning with a cup of decaf green tea keeps me happy. I try not to get wrapped up in the madness of society today. As for the illness, I’m doing much better. Im not controlled by delusions anymore but I still have anxiety associated with ptsd. If I didn’t tell you that I had psychological damage, you probably wouldn’t see it. There are still difficulties but I’m learning to cope.
I haven’t heard from or spoken to my abusive family since 2008 And I’ve never been happier. I’m doing whatever I can to spread awareness and support not just for victims of abusive but for the general public. I’m finding peace.
———————FINDING A HIGHER POWER———————-
After being an atheist from the age of 7 until 28 (I stopped believing in God when I was 7 because of the way my parents treated me), because of this experience I was led to find God. It was like one of those Eureka moments. On February 17, 2008, I came to understand that we are in a “simulation” that was created by god. Anyway, that gave me some measure of peace. I stopped blaming other people for their actions because they just don’t know better or they can’t help it. God is in complete control. Of us, of everything. It’s hard sometimes because I blame God for 9/11. I blame God for my parents’ mistakes. It’s not their fault, they are powerless to God’s will. I still think they’re toxic and dangerous and I want nothing to do with them, I just don’t blame them for being the way they are. They can’t help it.
I have to believe that deep down God is ultimately good, but it’s very challenging sometimes. I don’t subscribe to organized religion. I see that people use the platform to take advantage of vulnerable people and it bothers me. I think there might be some valuable lessons and wisdom to be found in religious texts but I also think common sense plays a very big role in healthy social behavior. Problems come from evil people, not a lack of understanding of what’s considered good or bad. Also, I just can’t believe in anything that attempts to justify and have me be thankful for a ceremonial human sacrifice. That is Christianity, is it not? That was a major red flag for me when I was in first grade and it still is today.
I believe in love, compassion, moral ethics and empathy. None of which require any sort of organized religion. And I know God hears me.
I’m reminded of the suffering that other people have to go through. Physical disabilities, mental disabilities, and other losses and nightmares that people have to deal with. My heart goes out to all of you. Just remember we’re in this together. You are not alone.
So I’d like to do whatever I can to raise awareness on mental illness and child abuse, so if you’d like to talk collaborate with me on these matters, feel free to reach out. What I’d really like to do is put together a string of Netflix documentaries to bring awareness to this type of abuse and start a foundation that would fund nationally run commercials to bring active awareness to child abuse and mental illness. If you think you can help, please do. Reach me at stopchildabuse592@gmail.com
P.s. I think it’s interesting to note that it seems to me the schizophrenia or nervous breakdown or whatever it was, was awakened following 9/11 and I’m wondering if other people suddenly became schizophrenic or some form of Schizoaffective disorder following 9/11. Maybe I could’ve mentally handled 9/11 better if I hadn’t already been exhausted from abuse. I don’t know. I’d really be interested to find other people to talk to about this. We need to understand this disorder better and correct the stigma that’s been following it since the 50’s. We’re not crazy, we’re troubled or hurt, or distracted. I feel love, I feel pain, I love life, and I feel very human. Peace.
this is me at 40

Will Smith, Steve Martin, Chris Cornell(sniff), Eddie Vedder, Bruce Lee, Samuel L Jackson, Michael J. Fox, Christopher Loyd, Natalie Portman, Charlize Theron, Barack Obama, Richard Dawkins, Jordan Peterson, Nadia Comaneci, Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, the Dalai Lama, Theres a lot of people I’d like to meet I’m just gonna stop here.

Archery, growing hot peppers, making hot sauces, running, swimming, hiking, movies, sci-fi, books, Xbox, cooking/baking I wanted to learn how to make perfect pizza at home and now three years later I’ve done that and have since made pretzels, pita breads, bagels, French baguettes, sourdough breads, ciabatta bread, hoagie rolls...but mostly I just love being able to make the best freaking pizza whenever I want at home... I started studying saxophone again last year after 30 years...I can play a few songs, I just wanted to learn “have yourself a merry little Xmas” but I’m now learning “careless whisper” and “the pink panther”. Love this instrument. https://youtu.be/_MMOC-fbSkY Check out skyfall by Michael Auserbauer on YouTube